The Thunder Down Under
The Thunder Down Under

Bungy, Sky Dive, Scuba and Uncle Brian,.

Mate ya plan is cr*p. He said it without having to utter a sound. As I stumbled through my totally unfeasible plan for what I was going to do with myself during my 9 days in Aus I realised just how lame my ideas were. It had started to dawn on me on the plane as I elected to plan my voyage rather than watch how to lose a man in ten day? That is one of the films I can't watch for reasons I shan't elaborate on here.

Cairns

The place is Castaways hostel Cairns. I stayed there, as it was the only place I could get through to from Changi airport when I booked my accommodation before boarding the plane. As I was due to arrive at 5am I thought having a place to stay might be rather convenient. Of course taking time to organise that ahead was unthinkable. Even organising from the airport was bordering on unethical.

The moment Gordan from Glasgow picked me up I realised that Cairns would be full of Brits. Spot the Aussie is apparently a favourite local pastime in the centre of Far North Queensland as there are so few readily observed. One feels privileged to meet one, makes the place feel a little less like Bournemouth; though there are probably more Aussies in Bournemouth come to think of it.

Back to sitting with big Scott telling him my half-buttocked plan of action which involved far too much travelling for such a short stay. After I finished my fantasies of travelling down to Airlie and seeing the coastline he put me straight. An hour and a thousand bucks later I was signed up for jungle walks, a three-night scuba trip to the reef and bungy jumping and a possible sky dive.

So this was the holiday planned out. Unlike the usual traipsing around tropical climes visiting ancient cultural monuments I had signed up for a monster series of activities basing myself in Cairns for the whole trip. This was OK but Cairns itself is not the greatest place; it has a cross between Aya Napa and Morecambe Bay feeling; a sleepy town with a few lively and tacky pubs in the centre. The demographics were totally ruined during my time there due to presence of the US navy and marines on their way home after their jolly in the gulf. There simply were not nearly enough girls to go round for the influx of five thousand US marines who roamed the streets day and night in search of quarry, most of which had gone to ground in shock and awe.

First night in the hostel only re-enforced the British nature of the Cairns experience (excluding the seppo sailors of course). I sat round for the free barbie with people from Leeds, Bath, Brum and Ballymena (aye Ballymena and can you adam and eve have actually been to Ballymena back in 93!). Within 12 hours of touching down my intinery was set and I had the place just about sussed. Culturally this was not going to be an uplifting holiday, it was time to try a few new things

Uncle Brian

Day one of the holiday proper was Uncle Brian's Fun, Falls and Forest nature trek. When the world's friendliest man competition is launched as a rival to American Idol Uncle B has it sewn up. He is simply the friendliest geezer you will ever meet. Anyone who can get a bus full of disparate nationalities to stick their hands out of a bus and pretend to be flying whilst singing Italian folk songs is obviously a people person. His first trick was to learn everyone's name immediately, all sixteen of us. Then he introduced to Gus the bus and his warm personality (no I am not making this stuff up), we even met Gus's girlfriend a milk float in the town of Babinda. Remember the people on the Bus are regarded as adults in most cultures and eligible to vote in their respective countries of origin. Brian also liked to make all of us hide down in our seats and jump up at once to scare North Queensland's juvenile community whenever an unsuspecting party of fledglings was in the vicinity.

So we all went for an all day trip on Gus the love bus and we swam in two different waterfalls. The Josephine (aka Joanna) falls and Milaa Milaa Falls. The Milaa falls is where the famous Timotei advert, the one with the bird flicking the water with her blond barnet, was filmed. So Brian made us all stand in the water and try the same trick. (see photos for outcome). It was absolutely chuffing fleezing in the water and we had to stand around for ages for everyone to get their photo taken; but all worth it naturallement. The day finished with swimming in the lake and duck billed platypus spotting in the gloaming. On Gus the Bus we sang our hearts out on the way back, though all the Seppos and Europeans did not seem to know three lions?

The Sunday passed without incident except for being introduced to Paul the utter Aussie nutter who deserves a story of his own, contact Le Boss for details.

Tandem Sky Dive

So its Monday and sky diving awaits. Basically I have always been seriously spooked at the idea of defenestrating myself from an aeroplane in flight. I had a restless night the night before. Sounds ridiculous to me now, the chances of dying sky diving are far far lower than every time one drives a car. We don't lose sleep every night at the thought of having to drive the next day; human beings are not rational.

The tension of the day was enhanced when waiting at 7.30am I was told that the weather was not good and could I wait till 9. In the end I ended up waiting till midday to board the craft. I met up with four others set to jump that day. All of us first timers; like any good girl we were all very nervous. The conversation was rather stilted and we did not seem to need breakfast. After an eternity we were kitted out, given our two minute training (just fall out of the plane, got that) and driven off the airfield. I must confess that once on the plane I had this excruciating urge to go the loo. So bad was it that I thought I couldn't possibly tahan till back on terra firma. To prolong the agony further we seemed to spend an age in the plane on the tarmac before getting clearance to go.

OK so 20 minutes later we are at 14,000 feet and I am shuffling forward. And it is out and into the blue. Impossible to describe the sensation in a way that could bring it to life off the page. I remember the sensation of tumbling forward out of the plane, going head over heals (a over t) before the drag shute straightened us out. The drag shute steadies you but one is still free falling as you can see in the photos. We free-fell for a minute, It was long enough to take in what was going on and to really savour the incredible sensation of falling at such a velocity. I was able to try and smile for our cameraman who jumped with us. We fell to 6,000 feet, into the clouds, 8,000 feet in a minute. Then the parachute proper went up (and I have to say I was pretty happy that that went smoothly). Then we coasted down to the ground with my buddy behind me twisting us this way and that, better than any roller coaster ride I can assure you.

It was awesome, not Valley girl '0h like my god your like hot pants are like truly totally awesome' awesome. This was chuffing blinking awe-bloody-some.

Three Day Boat Scuba Trip

So the next day it rains non-stop and I am off at 5pm to spend three nights on a boat, scuba diving. I had been scuba diving once before back in 1998 in Tioman but this was a whole different kettle of fish. The first thing I had to contend with was sea-sickness. We powered out of Trinity Habour (so called because Captain cook saw it first on Trinity Sunday) far out to sea and it was choppy. I sat in the boat during the briefing and organising session feeling increasingly queasy. I was also nervous as everyone else seemed to have lots of diving experience. He asked everyone how many dives they had done and I trying to recall said three. Three our divemaster Jonno bellowed out, 'Three! you have to have done four to get the license?' So great now I was paiseh and queasy.

I survived the first night but again was nervous the next morning. I actually spent a large part of the holiday with butterflies in my tummy. We woke up at 6.30 which was the latest we woke up on the three day trip and it seemed to take me forever to get my kit sorted out, well it had been five years. We jumped into the water, which was choppy and chilly due the inclement weather (though North Queensland never really approaches anything like cold this was the middle of winter). I was swallowing a lot of water and felt very uncomfortable. On the first dive my tank only lasted me 18 minutes, it is supposed to last 45 so it was obvious I had had a bit of a girly panic attack and glugged loads of air.

The dives got better from that point on. We did 10 dives over three days including two night dives. The marine life was amazing and I got used to living on the boat. So much so I was a little land sick when we got back. The highpoint was swimming with Dwarf Minke Whales. The whales come to the area for five weeks of the year and they are very curious and will hang around dive boats to have a gander at the humans in the water. When we first saw them we got in with our snorkels to have a bit of a peak at them. I swam out from the boat holding onto the line and again the seas were choppy and cold and I swallowed lots of water and could not see a thing. Went back to the boat to find out some of the chaps had seen them up close. Felt disheartened and tired and was reluctant to get back into the water when some more whales were spotted. But I decided in for a penny in for a pound and jumped back in. Swam out and again saw nothing was just about to swim back when I looked down between my legs and saw something enormous. A bloody great whale. The whale came and took another look and it swam past a few times, closer each time. It was probably three yards away. Triffic!

Bungy Jump!

Got back on dry land on Friday afternoon, exhausted from the three day trip. Staggered back (literally I was landsick you see) to the hostel and booked myself a bungy jump for the next morning, Hey why would I stop just when I was on a roll.

The next morning began with the familiar terrified feeling that seemed to pushing me on for the whole trip. The AJ Hackett bungy site is just outside of Cairns, believe it or not tourists come along just to watch the lemmings jump off the side. I was totally bricking it by now, I have always wanted to bungy but always wondered if I had the nerve to actually jump. The platform was 235 steps up, fifty metres tall and my good nelly aunt did it not seem high up. I was there about 40 mins getting signed in etc before I climbed the tower of power. I had to hang around the top waiting for a tiny hot Japanese girl to jump first. Like I could back out now after she had done it?

So finally it was my turn, the two Aussies strapped my feet up with Velcro and I was ready. I asked them if anyone wimped out 'About one in a hundred mate' he said. I waved to the camera and waddled forward. I muttered 'I don't think I can do this' as I looked down. Bungy the guy said and I looked forward paused for half a second and made that flying leap of faith.

How to describe bungy jumping. The feeling of jumping off is mind blowing, one free falls to the ground so fast it seems and feels like certain death, until the rope starts to tug and ones heart restarts with the feeling that it is OK I am not going to pancake! Then the amazing feeling of hurtling back right up to where one started head back up above the feet and then its back down again all the way and up and down until it abates. Mind blowing literally when I was lowered into the craft and then stepped onto land I was buzzing like never before.

So that was it, the final part of the awesome foursome and time to relax for 24 hours before heading back to Singapore. Monday morning in the office awaited, now that is real fear!

Thanks for reading thus far. I went to Cairns to recover from all the bad stuff in April and May and all this nutter nonsense helped, cheers for helping too.

Jimbo

50m Fall

Give Us a Wave Pommie

Was this a good idea?

Bloody Hell

Nervous moi

Ok so we just fall out of the plane right?

Now I can see the plane from underneath Nice!

Here come the clouds

You beauty

That Parachute coming out soon?

Luxury Accommodation

In the Waterfall

Timotei Advert

Rock Sliding

In the Lake, yes that is me!

The start of the three day boat trip

Oh look a whale

Ok Laugh if you wish but it was jolly chilly down there

Oh those Monster Fish

Underwater Love

The Boat Survivors

Some phots from my 29th birthday which I rescued from the old Singapore party 2 page. This is Mr and Mrs Cusack and Latham. Happy families

Mrs Lumley-Holmes et moi

Winnie and er well moi encore

Mr and Mrs Sharon and Shaunna

Nalini

Where are they now? Hilda and Frances